And when your trying to build up a business, you cant just wait for business to come to you, you have to go out and make it happen. If you are complacent your client will know, and find someone who is better qualified to take care of them. The same goes for men and women and their relationships, weddings, courtships and dating.
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courting translated to me by our leaders in the SFC East Chapter, and from the books I have read like "Boy meets Girl", "how to meet your one true love," and "If you really loved me.", and audio books and cds from catholic singles conferences, and the st joseph cds given to me by joe lao and giovanni perea, and Mr and Ms Randy and Kara Muyargas.
Let us begin with Matthew 6:33
when you want to get to know someone, meet them in a small group setting, obsere them among their friends, family, and when or if you have a chancs to work or serve together. Because then you will see their authentic personality. And if try to pull some crazy angelic stuff out, then their friends and family will call them out-- like since when did you do that for people?
then when your comfortable with each other and have talked you can invite them one on one. but it takes time so be patient. And my advise is dont really start courting someone until you are at least in college and have a strong sense of your self, your goals, dreams for the future, a strong prayer life, and direction. Because if the courting ends you still need to have a life. A relationship should strengthen both of you, not leave you weaker then when you started and met each other.
Men are called to initiate the relationship, and women will be the ones who have the role of accepting the invitation or not. If women want to initiate the relationship, it is ok with the modern age. But if you ask me, they are setting themselves up to be really hurt if they get rejected by the men.
Boys and Men are trained to get told no all the time. So it still hurts us, but that is way we are raised to be ready for. So we pray and discern and we choose one woman at a time to be someone we would want to be in a committed relationship with. Or at least that is how it is supposed to be. Some boys like to have multiple women, tell them they love all of them, and all they really want is intercourse from as many as possible. But that is not news to anybody: those are empty actions filled with a weak sense of self, and not valuing their own body as a gift to their future wife: which leads to adultery and impurity, and guilt and shame.
Men are taught to be pastors to their families, responsible for leading the prayer life, as well as providing shelter, food and as much as they can for the family. Cost of living is high enough these days, that often the extended family or the wife will need to help contribute and in many cases work to support the family.
Back to the topic: Women have a role to play in this as well. Since they have the power to accept or reject an invitation: then it is their decision to spend time with this man who is courting her. Or to gently let him know she does not feel that way about him. But honestly if you know this man to be a good person, and faithful to christ: but maybe he doesn't look like denzel washington then I would give the man 30-60 minutes of your time. Speak with him, and see if their is chemistry, can he make you laugh, cook good food, or just be someone you could be a good friend with. If you never give him a chance to know you, then you may have passed on the best husband that god could ever send to you because you judged him without ever allowing him to be in your midst and have a one on one conversation.
Again this would only be after you have seen him serve in the community, or go to mass regularly, or wherever you have spent time together with your friends and family. Do no judge a man solely on his body, just as you would not want a man who only judged you physically.
Women are lucky in that they may be courted by multiple men at the same time. Kinda like in sports when top recruits and academic honors students get offers from multiple universities. The schools offer different benefits: scholarships, better housing, better lifestyles, better facilities, professors, classrooms. Each man has different gifts and talents, prayers, time and treasure to offer a woman. And as women you get to choose and are allowed and really expected to do your research, pray about it, and dont be so quick to say yes to the first man who courts you....Take your time, enjoy being courted, but when one or multiple men propose to you, then pray about who you really want to spend your life with. Give every faithful man at least one hour to speak with you, and when you are ready then pray together and choose the best husband that god could ever provide for you. But if you are out there on the prowl asking boys out, some will say yes, some say no...but you will always know that you started this relationship, so if it goes bad how will you end it without really hurting this man? And are you really ready to take all that rejection. If you have every played baseball or softball then you will know that getting rejected is common: if you hit 3 out of 10 balls you are a superstar in baseball, and if you hit 1 out of ten balls out of the park as a home run then again that is a hall of fame player because in 500 at bats in a season that is 50 home runs: or greater than any home run hitter ever if you can do that your whole life. Or if your an actor if you book 1 out of every 10 auditions, then you probably dont even have to audition anymore, they just call and ask if you want the role. But most people dont understand how many rejections it takes to make a sale, hit a home run, score a knockout in boxing, hit a hole one on a golf course, get promoted to CEO, buy a house in a competitive market, get the only dress on sale on black friday at 5am in the morning, be voted president of a school or a country....or to become a husband or wife of a king or a queen that is faithful to the lord and will be your partner for life, and golden anniversaries, or through any financial, medical or spiritual distress. Finding that type of partner is worth more than anything to find a love that will sustain you and walk with you, and carry you when you are sick. Finding a woman or man who will love you as christ loves you is a gift from god. As the deer longs for running streams, so I long, so I long, so I long for you.
Me personally I like to know what is inside this woman, what gifts and talents does she possess. What is her prayer life these days, what will she teach my children if we get married. I like to see her eyes when I show up, when she sees me: does she light up, does she smile at me...Do I see a peacefulness in her when we are together, or a great joy that lights up the room because we are near each other....
And after that you need to know how you react with each other's close friends, and family....and if you feel comfortable then you can approach the woman's parents and ask for their blessing before you propose to serve, protect, love, sacrifice and give all of your life for your fiance...
Husbands are called to love their wife as jesus loved the church. And wives are called to accept their husband's leadership because if he has promised and delivered his love to you, then why would you question his motives or his intent to do everything he can to give you the best life possible.
Of course you can disagree, but disagree in a one on one setting. Dont embarass your husband or wife, by emasculating them in front of your families, friends, or even your children. That is humiliating and not a loving way to correct anyone.
Or if necessary then bring in a good counselor you both trust: maybe it is the grandparents, or a brother or sister, or a priest or doctor, a nun whatever it takes for the two of you to have a conversation. You should always pray when you have a disagreement, and then vent your frustrations between each other.
Work like everything depends on your effort, but trust that god will make all your dreams come true...and no matter what the lord will provide all that you ever need, but not always everything you desire. Many of us are guilty of having appetites that are eyes cling on to, but are more than our heart, mind, body, and spirit can handle.
And lastly Bo Sanchez taught me a great prayer: before he ever got married he promised himself and jesus to spend one date a week with his wife forever. And also to plan a date with each of his kids one day a week. God has blessed you with a family to pastor too. So the lord asks you for the sabbath on saturday evening to sunday evening to come join him for mass. And you as pastor to your family should provide at least one hour to each member of your clan each week, especially your wife. Don't give all your time to your kids and work and forget your wife or your husband: that leads to isolation, regrets, and sadly unfaithfulness.
Guard the heart of your partner, and their eyes and minds, and hands. By spending time with them regularly in person, and not just by email, webcam or phone. You should be able to give them a hug, a kiss, or just hold hands or embrace regularly...or somebody else will. Because if you chose a wonderful man or woman, and then you dont spend time with them, someone else will find this kayamanan (treasure) and take care of it while you are busy at work, or whatever your doing.
And let us end with Proverbs Ch31, and the whole entirety of Song of Songs...
go rent a copy of life is beautiful, or ultimate gift, or fireproof....
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